Happy Apathy Day!

By Snarky McSnarkmaster

Heroes and Heroines,

It is that time of year to celebrate our Nation’s sense of apathy. That’s right! It’s Day. All real-life superheroes don their special outfits with care in hopes of catching that special criminal that will make them famous. The ancient holy Watchmen scriptures discussed in great detail how one tragic event changed the life-course of Walter Joseph Kovacs (a well-adjusted seamstress). After reading about Kitty Genovese in a newspaper (which totally didn’t exaggerate the story for profit), Mr. Kovacs stole several reams of fabric to create the very outfit he uses to fight crime.

The Holy Watchmen scriptures were divinely inspired by Alan Moore, famed writer, and wizard. Mr. Moore wrote Watchmen as the living word and life guide. He was truly moved by the Holy Spirit of Doctor Osterman. In fact, Mr. Moore enjoys answering questions about how every comic character is divinely inspired rather than created by men.

Real Life Superheroes everywhere celebrates Walter Kovacs’ act of righteous indignation by roaming the streets to fight apathy. Everyone who is not an RLSH in America has apathy. This is why it is important to spread the Good News vigilantism. The Bystander Effect is very real in American and needs to be brought to light by black-clad costumed crusaders looking for a fight.

So don your green bandanas and cowboy hats and get out there on the streets, heroes. Apathy is the reason for the season