By Tom Hortorwiz
CLEARWATER- An illegal Talking Teddy Bear trade was stopped today by Superhero, the superhero. Armed with his airsoft pistols and 9 mm handgun, Superhero combated shady and armed dock workers single handled. No one else assisted Superhero in his efforts.
“As long Superhero stands, there will not be another Ruxpin War,” proclaimed Superhero. “It is my civic duty to clean up the streets of illegal talking bears… with extreme violence.”
Several dock workers were shot in the kneecaps but there were no fatalities. Police arrived on the scene moments later. There was very little evidence to indicate who orchestrated the illegal trade. However, Clearwater police consider The Opossum as the primary suspect.
Talking teddy bears became illegal after the underground Teddy Ruxpin wars of 1997. Several toy companies attempted to cash in on the fad by creating compatible tapes. The competition escalated into street brawls and eventually into cor the orate gang wars. The City of Industry, CA, was the first city to fall prey to corporate gang violence. To this day, the city remains a wasteland of factories in rubble and charred teddy bears. The U.S. government, in conjecture with the State of California, official declared The City of Industry a No Man’s Land.